Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Im part way to drunk.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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