I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize