Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
