Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
