Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
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and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
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I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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