I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Do vagina's smell?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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