my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
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You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
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We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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