You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
