We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize