I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
