dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
