I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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