We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
