I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
