I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
