i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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