I am in a vortex of obligation.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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