So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
