Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
