If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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