I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
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I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
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I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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