we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
