we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Randomize
