My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
