Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
