do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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