so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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