I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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