I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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