I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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