Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
