he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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