the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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