I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
