You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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