we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
