I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
