You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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