she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
