She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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