i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
