He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
