Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
