Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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