she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize