Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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