I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
