I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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