Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
