If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
