garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
