Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
