Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
