you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
