I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
