I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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