Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
