i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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