Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
as a side note pls kill me
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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