i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
