obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We left the knife in your bed.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
