That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
