yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize