Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
