I cut my penus on the lid.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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