we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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