sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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