i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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