I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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