My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
