I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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