If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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