I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
