Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
