Someone shit on the floor
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
