Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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