I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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