And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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